Green, White, Green

There are certain periods in the year that all business people make a killing, I have heard many people call such periods ‘season’. It appears every business has a particular ‘season’ when goods and services are in high demand.

Hairdressers keep vigil in their shops in the days leading up to Christmas, churning out all manner of hairstyles, so also shops selling clothes, shoes, chickens and other such things that people erroneously believe are needed to celebrate.

Over the years, i have discovered another group making cool cash. Every year, towards the end of September, like 19^th of the month or thereabouts, you will begin to see small and big flags, beautiful tops, mufflers, bandanas and jeans all coloured green and white.

Every 1^st October, Nigeria marks her independence and for sure, it is an event worth celebrating.  The Social media is not usually left out; Dps, status updates and all what not proclaim our love for our dear country Nigeria. Similarly, all manner of shows and events are advertised in Churches, stadia and event halls, all geared towards marking Nigeria’s Independence. There is palpable excitement in the air and you can cut the national pride with even a blunt knife.

Sadly, it all ends on 2^nd October.

For some strange reason, we think patriotism ends with such displays.

Many citizens do not even know the words of the National Anthem and therefore singing it never evokes any ethos. We are always irritated and somewhat entertained when our ministerial nominees bungle it but sadly, we are not any better.

Patriotism is simply defined as; love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it.

Can we honestly say we embody this definition?

Patriotism is not wearing Green and white and waving flags upandan on.

It is doing the right thing at the right time and in the right way;

It is being orderly in public and being honest in office;

It is reporting all suspicious persons and activities in our neighbourhoods, instead of shielding suspects because they are ‘our brothers and sisters’.

It is refusing to bribe or be bribed to do what you should do;

It is supporting the Government of the day to succeed;

 It is calling our leaders out when they underperform instead of being a ‘wailer or hailer’ while things slide down hill.

We all have a conscience and patriotism is listening to that still small voice and choosing to do the right that we know we should even if we are hungry, in debt, frustrated or facing eviction or even death.

Until we get to that point, we might as well wear black tomorrow.

Happy 56^th birthday, Nigeria, may the odds be in your favour!

 

 

A HUSBAND LIKE ABRAHAM

 

This is not written for a Christian audience, it is for everyone.

It is however written from a Christian perspective, mainly because of the writer’s Christian background.

So much ado is made about mother Sarah who called her husband, Abraham ‘lord’.

Marriage counsellors teach it, many officiating ministers at weddings preach it and everyone who dispenses this advice always feels good after doing so.

Husbands, who are miffed that their wives are not Sarah-like enough, often quote this to buttress their points and many have successfully oppressed their wives and made outlandish demands and these poor women comply, because I mean, who doesn’t wanna make Heaven after all?

So I decided to find out exactly why Sarah called her husband LORD. I picked up a copy of the KJV of the Bible, after all, where best to look than the Text-book, right?

We first meet Abraham hanging somewhere below Terah on the family tree and not too long after, we discover Abram, as he was known then, had no child. Initially, we are not sure who to blame but eventually we are told it is Sarah’s problem and this is confirmed several chapters later, when an Egyptian handmaid gives Abraham a son.

Now imagine a typical Nigerian family with this issue of childlessness;

The mother in law and her daughters and possibly all else will give Sarah hell and even if Abraham tries to, he can’t insulate her from their venom. Sooner than later, he loses his patience and starts to try outside ( they do that even when they have kids but they are all girls).

Anyways, whichever way you look at it, no guy is gonna wait around till his wife is Ninety-nine years old to have a child, God’s promise or not, Right? It is only reasonable to do something nah.

But what did Abraham do?

He prayed and beseeched God daily, we have no records of him turning on Sarah or blaming her. How about when she finally decided he could have a go at Haggai? Better woman, right? Sarah had to practically pull down Abraham’s dross and turn referee before he capitulated.

Nine months later? Boom, Ishmael!

And just when all seemed well with the world, Sarah came again with her yeye jealousy and demanded Abraham should send Haggai and poor Ishmael away because Haggai had eyed her.

Haba, aunty Sarah!

Did Abraham give Sarah an ultimatum to ‘take it or leave it?’

No!!!!! The thing pain am wella but he rose at dawn and gave them some water and bread and sent them away. He never even sent a servant to check up on them, na wa oooo.

All we are told is …..”and Abraham hearkened to the voice of Sarai.

If na you nko, my sister, wont you add ‘Master’ join to the Lord?

Mgbo, Uncle, how many times do you hearken to the voice of madam that you want to be Lord???

Ok, how about when the three angels came a-calling?

Abraham ran into the tent and told Sarah; ‘oh girl, we have guests, oya put pot for fire’.

But he didn’t return to the strangers for chit-chat. He ran into the field, got a goat or so and gave a servant to kill and dress. It was also Abraham who brought the food and drinks and served their guests.

Sarah’s lord and master of all he surveyed, scrambling upandan to serve guests while Sarah reclined on her hammock in the tent.

What made Abraham his wife’s LORD?

I discovered he was;

PROVIDER

He was industrious; he had cattle, sheep, goats and servants, not a few.

He provided all Sarah needed and desired. She was a beauty to behold and everywhere they went, kings desired her.

Abraham was PRAYER-HEAD

He took all their cares and worries to God and held vigils over sacrifices. He prayed until something happened.

He was PROTECTOR

He fought and won battles and ensured every member of his household was safe from harm.

Abraham was PARTNER

He never left Sarah to do anything alone and never ever told her that he was called alone and blessed alone, or that he was doing her a favour by marrying her and tolerating her barrenness. He never told her she was created only for his pleasure and had to live her life pleasing him.

Ogbeni, are you a husband like Abraham?

 (C) TeejayDogoh

 

So I was at the bank to use the ATM machine and there was a pretty long queue.
 I jejely walked up to the last man on it, tapped him on the shoulder and politely asked:
'are you the last'?
He snapped at me; 'of course not. I am not the last, you are the last'.
I didn't think much of it. I thanked him and joined the queue, eventually did my thing and left.

Several weeks later, I was at the mall and got into the elevator.
There was a lady in it already and I smiled at her and politely asked; 'are you going down?'

Fireeeeee!!!!

She was visibly upset as she turned to me and said;

"GOD FORBID, I AM NOT GOING DOWN.
I can never go down,  instead my enemies will go down.
Any man that says I will go down, will go down for my sake because the Bible said.............................|"

She went on and on till I go out on the first floor. I was shaken and confused, I kept wondering how I might have upset her.

When I shared the story with a friend, i finally understood.
Apparently, as Christians, we must never utter negative words about ourselves and we must reject all negative words spoken about us.

Jesuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

That was when it dawned on me that waswhat the guy at the ATM queue meant by he was not the last.

Hmmmmmm, Nigeria, I dey hail oooo!!!!

I LOVE THIS

A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophilies is said to be held every year in an undisclosed location.

  A Lexophile  is said to be someone that has a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."

 Some winning entries:

.When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

. The batteries were given out free of charge.

. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

. A will is a dead giveaway.

. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

. When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

.Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

.The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.

Postscript: This is for those with a literal sense of humour. HAHA!!

Generational curses, Poor financial decisons or plain butt-lazy?

I was in church the other day and the Pastor preached on Breaking generational curses.
He said Africa was essentially backwards because mothers ignorantly cursed their children by saying stuff like: "you wont amount to much, are you sure you will succeed in life? If you sucked these my breasts, your children will cause you the same heartache that you are causing me|".

Pastor gave several examples of people who suffered all sorts of maladies and misfortunes because of such negative words spoken to them and stated that he was 'uncursable' because he had honored his parents and they had blessed him.

He went on to prescribe among other things; that you give your life to Christ, honor your parents; biological and spiritual and propagate the gospel to break such curses.
After that, we all said some curse-removing prayers and anointed our heads to remove such generational curses.

I am a bit worried though because I know several indolent young men and women who operate under this mentality that they are under a curse and can not succeed at anything they do. Consequently they don't do anything  but throw pity parties from place to place.

People make poor financial or marital choices or any number of bad decisions and claim someone somewhere is after them or stole their star. Only in Africa sha.

Some of the legends we read about today had a lot of negative stuff said about them; as school children, some were told they could never pass the grade or were not suited for learning but went on to become scientists, inventors, musical legends, and stars in their chosen fields.
Obviously because they persevered and never gave up.

Someone messes up at work and loses his job and says his landlord stole his luck.
Another uses uncouth behaviour to send suitors away and say its her stepmother that swore her mother's daughters will never marry. I hear you!!

Uncle; there is no curse, get off your lazy butt and work hard; be diligent, persevere and you will succeed.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, like Bob Marley said and take the World head on and see if the Red Sea wont part before you.
Even Adam had a job to do in Paradise, he wasn't meant to just lay-about.

Of a truth, very very few women want to be "head of the family".

Who cares about all that, anyway???

Women just want to be loved and treated right,...
To be respected and appreciated,
 To make an input and have it count.

Women do not want to be solely responsible for the kids' getting ready for school,
Doing homework, getting haircuts/ hair done,
Eating, bathing, sleeping, recreation,
 Spiritual or physical welfare,
Or any and everything to do with the kids.

Women don't want to hold down a 9-5
And still have to be solely responsible for the shopping and cooking and laundry and fuelling of cars, sweeping and cleaning
Or paying the bills and all the myriad of things that a family needs to run smoothly.

In fact, leaving your wife to handle all of that as well as co- win the bread is not
Heading a family,
It is witchcraft and sorcery.

Whatever traditional or religious injunction or role you assume you are playing,
Oga, you are a winch.

 Eeishhhhh!!!!!!

Heyyyyy!!!!!

Ok, I am here because I love love love to write and a few friends think I have stuff worth sharing with more than just my facebook friends.

Basically, I am gonna be sharing my thoughts on all kinds of stuff, not expert advice or the result of some research, just stuff that I believe can make life and living somewhat easier in certain situations.

I hope we can share loads of laughs and learn lifelong lessons from each other,

I may come across as controversial sometimes
but its all from a good place


 Enjoy my little corner of the world,
sending light and love your way.



Teejay.

Dear God

Dear God

I don’t want to go to Heaven, Not just yet, anyway.

I want to come back as a Nigerian male.

I want to grow up playing football on the streets

While my sisters are taught how to cook, clean and please a husband.

 

I will be circumcised, yes but not to curb promiscuity,

No nah, that’s for the poor girl-child;

She has to remain pure and undefiled for me when i am ready to partake of her pleasures.

I on the other hand, will be busy sowing my wild oats.

Not for me the fear of getting pregnant,

Not for me, the curse of repeat heartbreaks.

 

I don’t want to go to Heaven,

I want to become the head of my family and rule over it like the don that i am.

I expect my wife to be co- breadwinner but certainly not co-head.

We will both work 9-5 but she will still have to make my supper as well as tend the kids as they come and do all the chores.

Remember i am the head of the family and you commanded her to be submissive

And as one of your spokesmen recently pointed out, she was created purely as an afterthought and to pleasure me.

Remember also, i was too busy learning how to be a man, to bother with housework.

Meanwhile, if all i have to offer is lousy sex, she has to grin and bear it.

However, if she does not please me, i will marry another wife and another if need be.

But If i deign to be monogamous, She has to be eternally grateful

And do all she can to make me happy.

I prefer life as a Nigerian husband than Heaven because if i cheat, my wife will be blamed and told to dress sexier, cook better, be humble, pray for me or watch WAR ROOM. What a sweet life!!!!

I can’t wait to put my feet up and issue commands like the general i will be;

‘Why is the Rice too salty, didn’t your mother teach you to cook?

What have you been doing all day? You only know how to make demands for money?

You spend all your time watching TV, because you don see flat-screen, abi? Did you father ever own a black and white?

My friend, go and get my dinner. You want a washing-machine. You are not well. Did you ever use a washing machine in your father’s house???? Let those clothes not be washed and ironed before i come back and you will see....

Need i say more? God, you know the drill nah.

 

So whatever you do, remember to make me a man in my next life

After that, we can talk about Heaven.

 After all, the average Nigerian guy is already in Heaven.

(c) Teejay Dogoh

 

 

 

 

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