Change cometh but it must begin with Us.

What is Change?

The word Change can either be a Noun and Verb.

As we all know, a noun is a person, place or thing. Therefore, Change as a noun can mean a different or fresh set of ideas or clothes or anything else for that matter.

A verb on the other hand is an action, something we do. In this instance, change is defined as to make or become different in nature or form; to exchange or replace with another, to transform, alter shape, position or composition. It can also mean to lay aside, abandon or leave something or someone for another.

I was in church the other day and a Deacon was making the announcements. It was a particularly joyous moment as he announced the births of several babies. ‘Hallelujahs and Praise the Lords’ rent the air, you know the birth of a baby is always a joyous moment. When he announced that a couple was blessed with twins, the whole place became charged with electricity and everyone was in frenzy. The joy on the faces of the congregants was a sight to behold. Those who knew the father of the twins and all those around him, rushed to hug him and shake his hands. It was obvious that he was the man of the moment. In that moment, all the other new babies paled in significance.

Come Testimony time, only Papa Ejima came out to testify and there was another round of shouting hallelujahs and backslapping. He moved like an achiever, he spoke like one and beamed like one.

Somehow, I found myself thinking back to Mary Slessor’s time in Southern Nigeria when twins were hated and killed. Hapless mothers had their twin babies snatched from their bosoms and taken to the evil forest to be killed because for some reason, twins were considered evil. No man would have dared shared such a ‘taboo’ testimony at that time.

However, Change happened. It was not easy and didn’t come cheap but today, many couples desire to have twins and even triplets. People actually ‘sow a seed’ for multiple births, whether they have the means or not and in fact, everyone believes twins are special and attract special blessings from God. People randomly ‘dash’ twins all manner of gifts and it is not uncommon to hear a proud Iya Ibeji confess that she has never lacked anything since she had the twins.

How about the dominant left hand? Apart from a few ‘recalcitrant’ cultures, the once reviled and shunned leftie is now considered special and genius.

Time was when nobody would accept something offered with the left hand, because it was considered disrespectful and it believed that it was used to clean up in the toilet and other silly notions. People with a dominant left hand were considered sinister and dodgy.

I am a Southpaw and I have had my fair share of jeers and condemnation for using my left hand to eat and write but today, people routinely say they are sure I am brilliant just because I am a ‘lefty’.

We are told most American presidents are Southpaws and most scientists and other geniuses are southpaws. Although some Nigerians still cling to this notion of ‘right good and left bad’, the rest of the world knows and recognises that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a dominant left hand.

Modernity is the quality of being current or of the present.

Nigeria too will get there.

This is why I don’t give up. I believe that someday, men and women will be judged on the quality of their ideas and their contributions to the world and not their genitalia. I believe that one day; a woman won’t be blamed for ‘failure’ to give her husband children especially males. She won’t be asked ‘what did you do or say to anger him’, when her husband is physically abusive and she won’t be made to kneel down and apologise for making him angry enough to strike her. She won’t be shamed and asked what she was wearing or what took her to his room, when she is raped by some scumbag.

One day, most if not all of the burdens imposed on women by religion and tradition, abi culture will be removed by modernity. No matter how long it is resisted, it must come to Nigeria too. Nigeria will catch up with the rest of the world in this and many other issues. We will hopefully let go of those harmful, retrogressive, archaic ideas that serve to keep us perpetually as hewers of wood and drawers of water, as consumers and never producers, as importers but not exporters. The only thing we seem to have in abundance which we export is Religion, a different brand from the one brought down by the people we now export to. Sadly, it still does not help us because it has only served to make us lazy dreamers.

Still I hope, still I fight for change. I have started my own walk towards it so that I am ready to embrace it when it comes. I have started in my little corner with the way Modernity is the quality of being current or of the present.

I am raising

BROTHER EMEKA

I walked in late from work and met the Pastor and his wife, my dad and my parents in law in the sitting room looking grim. My heart skipped a beat and in a split second, my entire life flashed before me. I was scared something had happened to the kids or my husband. I would have passed out but at that very moment, I heard my husband's laugh in the kitchen.
So I greeted everyone and made a beeline for the kitchen where I met Emeka and my bestie; Chioma arranging drinks and glasses in trays.

I wondered if it was someone's birthday and I had forgotten. I mouthed; “what’s up, sis?" at Chy and she shrugged. I said hi to Emeka and noticed he was a bit distant and cold. I shrugged my shoulders too, took the tray from him and we all walked into the sitting room.
As soon as everyone settled down, Pastor Akin cleared his throat and started;
Sister Betty, I am sure you are wondering what is going on and I don't want to waste too much time. I will now ask my wife to pray for us before we begin.
"In Jesus' name"; Deaconess Ife started and everyone chorused 'Amen'. As she prayed, I began to get a sense of what was to come. It was pretty much obvious that Emeka had reported me to everyone present and it seemed to have something to do with my so-called wifely duties of sex and cooking.

I just shook my head and waited for the end of the prayer which came soon enough. Pastor Akin turned to me and said; "Sister Betty; brother Emeka came to see me and it appears we need to have a talk urgently. Everyone will get a chance to talk so please just listen to me now, and then we will all listen to everyone. By God's grace and the help of the Holy Ghost, we will resolve this matter amicably". I want to remind us that the Bible says the woman's desire shall be for her husband. The Bible also commands wives to be submissive to their husbands. Sister Betty, I understand you have stopped being submissive and you rarely cook for your husband. Even worse, you now deny him sex at will. He says you talk back at him and don't respect him. Sister, in the beginning, it was not so and it ought not to be so".
In the corner of my eye, I could see my mother in law tapping her foot and shooting daggers from her eyes at me. These people are not serious, I thought to myself. So Emeka and his mother want an open fight abi? Ok, I am ready too. Hahaha, poor dude, the person that advised you to toe this line, does not love you at all and you under- estimated me.
Anyways, make I dey prepare my defence.

"Yes", my mother in law interjected. "My son has suffered. He has been suffering silently for the past three years and I can no longer take it. A wife's duty is to cook for her husband, to wash his clothes and keep his home tidy. My son is losing weight and he is never happy. Something must be done and it must be now. If she is not ready to be a wife, she should say so. Let her go and let my son marry a real wife”
And she started to cry. Emeka glared at me and turned and hugged her, begging her to take it easy. Chioma and the Pastor's wife all clustered around her, pleading with her to stop crying, exactly what she was gunning for.
That woman has always been a drama queen and loved being on stage.

Emeka turned to Pastor Akin and said; ‘Sir, it is true, I have had it. If Betty cannot be humble and submissive like all good, Christian wives, I may be forced to seek a divorce. Do you know if I touch my wife, she cringes? I can’t take this anymore’. ‘God forbid’, Pastor shouted and broke into tongues. God hates divorce and it shall not be your portion, brother Emeka.’

My dad had yet to say a word but I could see he was not happy.

It went on and on, with the pastor and his wife taking turns to preach at me and enumerate "brother Emeka's virtues and rights as my husband and head". I was no longer listening but no one knew this. In fact, I might have drifted off because I suddenly came to and found everyone looking at me questioningly.
"What? Sorry, I didn't hear that"; I spluttered.

Pastor: “Sister Betty, I asked what you have to say for yourself".
Before I could talk, my husband jumped up and began to pace,
"What will she have to say? She considers herself superior to me because she has a master’s degree and works in a bank. She condemns every single thing I do and constantly belittles me. She does not respect or support me. Even a thief deserves his wife's respect. But my wife does not respect me. I have endured her disdain for years and I really can't take it anymore. A woman that cannot be satisfied by what her husband can provide. Which wife feels too big to cook and serve her husband? I have to make do with whatever rubbish the house help concocts and when I complain, she asks me if there is any law against men cooking".

At this point, everyone was begging him to calm down while Mama was calling on God to come and see oooo.

My head was still bent and only my bestie knew I was fuming. She had already sent me a message on whatsapp asking me to be calm. I replied "today Na today" and she messaged
' babes, please, no fireworks".

Pastor's wife turned to me and said;' Sister Betty, you need to retrace your steps, it’s like you have backslidden. I will be praying for you. Don't let the devil destroy your home. A wise woman builds her home but the foolish one tears it with her own hands".

My dad turned to Emeka and said; " my son, this is not the way to handle these matters. You could have come to me. I gave her to you and if she has been misbehaving, you should have come to me. This meeting is not necessary".

Mama quickly cut in; 'yes, I knew you would support her". "No, my in law, dad said, I am not supporting her. I am only saying an Inquisition is taking it too far. Every marriage has challenges. Did we not have challenges in our own marriages in our own time? Didn't we overcome them’? My father in law who had all along been quiet now spoke up; "Mama Emeka, cool down. Are you trying to say, Emeka won't have any fault in this matter? After seven years of marriage, Betty will suddenly change? Something must have caused it. Let us keep our emotions in check."

Mama turned to her husband and said; "it is true but nobody is perfect. Betty acts like she is perfect while she is not. Remember I visit them much more than you do. Sometimes I will have to cook for our son because she hasn't come home from work and sometimes even if she is home, she will say she is too tired. It is Grace that cooks for Betty's husband. Betty doesn't cook on Sunday at all, that she has to rest. Betty doesn't wash her husband's clothes. If I were like that, would we still be together?"

"Anyway, may I speak now"; I asked.

Everyone immediately fell silent, not before mama's long hiss filled the room.
"Yes, Sister Betty, you may speak."

"Thank you all for coming. It is obvious that you love my family and you want the best for us. I appreciate you all. I am not surprised Emeka felt he had no choice but to go this route but why the ambush? I wouldn't have run away even if I knew you were all going to be here today. Anyway, it is true. Everything mama and my husband have accused me of is true. I no longer cook if I come home too tired or too late. It is also true that I have stopped cooking on Sundays. Bank work is tedious and I work even on Saturdays. I need Sunday to rest and prepare for the week ahead. It is true that my husband and I no longer have regular sex and it is because I don't want. For the first four years of this marriage, I did all of that and more. I remember when I was best wife and best daughter in law. Sadly, it didn't make me happiest wife."

"Pastor, brother Emeka has told you my wrongs but did he remember to mention the time he was sleeping with our family doctor or the Youth corps member in his office? Did he tell you when he brought an STD home? Did he mention that after all these years; he still forgets to flush the toilet? He forgets his plates in the bedroom, his mug where ever he drinks tea, his clothes all over the place. He forgets to pay the children's fees until they are sent away from school and I have to go and pay. Did he mention the times he travelled with different girls and forgot to drop any money in the house for his children?"

"Brother Emeka does not remember to buy toiletries or anything else we need at home. Brother Emeka only recently started giving me money for running the house and it is ten thousand naira every month but Brother Emeka bought a car for Sister Philo in the choir."
l paused and looked around, brother Emeka’s head was down and was no longer sitting so close to him, in fact she seemed to have moved as far away from him as possible. Deaconess Ife was no longer glaring at me self righteously. She was searching for God knows what in her Bible.

I continue; "Brother Emeka will not buy food but immediately he is served, he will start; ' this salt is too much, the eba is too hard or too soft. Beans require small salt; don’t you know vegetables are not cooked for long? The soup is too watery, why do I have only two pieces of meat?" And the day he actually brings that his monthly ten thousand naira, he will increase the complaints.

"Mama, do you know in seven years of marriage, my husband has probably bought clothes for me three times at the most? Do you know he does not buy clothes or shoes for the twins? Do you know we pay the fees and rent together? Do you know that except the few times I asked, he hasn't on his own ever bought recharge card for me or anything else? "Do you know that when I come home from work, I will still help the twins with their home work while their dad who got home before me will be barking orders up and down? When I got home from hospital after having the twins, before you came for omugwo, do you know your son insisted I make a fresh pot of soup and eba for him? Do you know I did it"?

"There is nothing I haven't seen or done or endured in the past seven years. Before I got the job at the bank, I have gone to bed hungry several nights because my husband said he didn't have money to give me for food and yet, while washing his clothes the next day, I would find money in a trouser pocket, sometimes as much as eighteen thousand naira".

I turned to my father;" daddy, did I ever tell you what Emeka said when I asked him for money for mama's surgery? No, I didn’t. Well he said his money was not for me and my mother. Mama didn’t have the surgery and shortly after, she died. I bore all manner of ill- treatment from my husband which nobody in this room apart from Chioma ever knew about. The only thing he has never done is hit me. But the emotional scars are even deeper. I took it all until one day when I decided not to. So yes, now I live for myself and my twins. I do things only when I want to. I still buy most of the food and bear most of the expenses because he says he has projects here and there and also says I should be grateful he even allows me to work. When I ask him for money, he asks me whose money my money is. So Yes mama, I have considered walking out of this marriage more times than I would care to mention. I couldn't afford to before but now I can. But guess what?  I am going nowhere. Karma is a bitch and she is here to stay. It is my turn to make your precious Emeka suffer".

I stopped, looked around the room at all their stunned faces and then I got up and walked into my room.

 

Will Nigerians be forced to eat their children to survive?

For some strange reason, the Bible is replete with stories of famines and Second Kings 6:29 tells of a particular scarcity of food in Israel; so severe it was that two women agreed to cook and eat their own sons to stay alive.

I remembered this story last night while chatting with a friend. I was complaining that I could barely afford to feed my kids due to the galloping prices of food items. I was particularly sore because I was coming from the stores where I had discovered that the cost of every single thing had gone up from three days ago.

Sometime at midnight, when everyone else was asleep, I entered my kids’ room to check on them. as I adjusted blankets and mosquito nets, I remembered those two women driven to the depths of despair and I wondered if Nigeria wasn’t headed that way already.

Suddenly I found myself wondering if push comes to shove, which of the four boys I would start with. morbid, right??

I asked myself; Who do I love most or least? Jay is my first born and the one that resembles me the most; physically and mentally. He excels in everything he sets his mind to and makes me so proud. He is considerate and kind, patient and thoughtful and a great big brother and so I need him to help me with his younger ones.

Obama is my cute dimpled Presidential baby. He is sensitive and thoughtful, very introspective. He is a hugger and has the warmest smile and he tells me he loves me at least twenty times per day. He is the first to notice a new hairstyle, freshly manicured nails and all that. He loves animals and is happy to play alone all day. He is undemanding and painfully shy and i cant imagine my life without him.

Saanmi is the life of the party. He is our in-house guitarist, drummer and all-round entertainer. He can charmingly sell ice to an Eskimo and is unashamedly manipulative. The joy on his face when i drive in after work every day is priceless. No way am i eating Saanmi to stay alive. I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM.

Treasure is our baby-last and a southpaw like me. He is so cute and fiercely independent. He has his whole life ahead of his and deserves to live it to the fullest.

It’s obvious I can’t and won’t eat any of them to stay alive. What was that first woman in that story even thinking; how come she agreed her son should be eaten first? She probably didn’t even get the lion share sef, tufiakwa!!

Since I am the de facto chief cook and can’t be eaten first or any time soon, that left the Head of the family. Hmmm, so I left the kids’ room to go and examine HOF as he lay sleeping. I wondered if we ate him, how long we could survive before it would be time to look for another meal and who that meal would be. I didn’t even realise i was touching his arms and legs, looking for the fleshier bits until he suddenly came awake and asked; ‘honey, what is it?’

Hmmmmm, Bubu try nah. No fall our hand oo before what happened in Israel a few thousand years ago will happen in Nigeria under your watch ooo.

TeejayDogoh

Closer than Close

This is not the first time I will be waiting at the airport to pick Obinna up but today, as I sit and wait for his plane to arrive, I am apprehensive, no, I am scared. I am shaking so much I am sure the lady sitting near me can feel it.

I love Obinna so much and being with him is always exhilarating but today I am scared. I am nervous because this visit is different. Obim is coming to town because you see, after five years of tiptoeing around the issue; we have finally decided that on this visit, we will finally cross that line.

This decision is really really huge, so huge that I lost my nerve last night and nearly called everything off because Obinna and I are both married but not to each other.

 Even though we have known each other for five years, we only see once a year and have successfully kept from getting intimate. Initially, we didn't even touch aside from the very first hug. I remember how we would sit on opposite ends of his hotel bed and just look at each other for hours, afraid that if we sat next to each other, we would not be able to stop ourselves from doing all the crazy stuff we had been doing together in our heads. Over the years sha, we had graduated to hugging and then more and finally, even that was no longer enough, hence this visit. 

 I still remember so clearly the first time I first set my eyes on Obim. It was a Wednesday afternoon in June and I was at the DSTV office to pay my subscription. I remember being so annoyed because there was a small crowd there. I was waiting impatiently in line when I suddenly felt uncomfortable, you know how you feel when someone is watching me so I slowly turned and my eyes met this guy who was staring at me without blinking. I quickly turned back. Soon after, I paid my bill and left.

 I momentarily thought the staring stranger but shortly after I got home, I totally forgot about him and got busy with the twins. My twins were barely six months then and Alex was not a hands-on dad or much of anything else and I always had little time for myself once I started attending to the twins. Alex and I had been married for two years and already, I felt like I had made a huge mistake. I often felt trapped and hardly ever smiled, especially when he was around. He worked abroad and came around once every quarter and we would fight almost every other day over virtually everything and sometimes over nothing.

Anyways, several months later, precisely in August, two weeks or so before my birthday, i got a call. In fact, i got sixteen calls from the same number. Alex was not around and i had left my phone in the living room while i bathed the twins, dutifully read two bedtime stories and put them to bed. I momentarily panicked. I am sure you know that when you have aged parents in the village and younger siblings scattered all over the place, sixteen calls from the same number can trigger a mini cardiac arrest. I started to redial the number in a near-panic when my phone started to vibrate in my palm, it was the same number and i broke out in a sweat.

‘Hello’; i croaked. The caller identified himself as Obinna and apologised for calling. At this point, i am thinking who on earth is Obinna nah? I don’t think i know any Obinna, no way i would forget any Obinna with this really nice voice.

Anyways, i dragged myself to the present and he was still speaking. Again he apologised for calling and explained that i didn’t know him as we hadn’t actually met and that he had stealthily copied out got number from the DSTV register. He explained that he had stood a few paces behind me in a queue tp pick DSTV subscription and had taken the liberty of copying my number because he wanted to talk to me. He explained that he had made sure to count how many people were ahead of him so he would get the correct name and number. Lol!

I was more intrigued than upset and asked why exactly he was calling.

(c) teejaydogoh

 

To be continued.

 

When will you marry?

 

‘When will you marry: this year or next year?

Some time or never?

I am sure we all remember this song from our childhood, especially us girls.  We sang this and many other songs as we played during breaks in school and weekends at home after our chores. We sang it without any real thought to the words, after all what did we know of marriage and timing?

Decades later, girls are often asked this same question; ‘when will you marry?’ Doubtless this is often accompanied by reminders that your mates and younger ones are already married, multiplying and filling the Earth.

However, shouldn’t the most important question be who will you marry?

When I was a child, I thought as a child and in my childish thinking, I assumed tall, dark and handsome mattered most. I assumed money made for a happy marriage. I promised myself I was not going to marry ‘ugly’ because I wanted cute kids.

Well, I’m all grown up now and I found out that no one needs rich, tall, dark and handsome to have a good and happy life, especially if this also means ugly, mean, lazy and churlish. Now, I know there is stuff that is way more important than a fine face and bulging pockets.

Young People come to me for advice on marriage and I always say to them; marry only those characteristics you want to see in your children. Furthermore, anything you can’t stand now will be amplified after years of living together and no, sweet sister, you can’t change a man. Neither can a woman be made more pliant or submissive.

Marry what you see not what you hope to see, do it for your children, if not for yourself, as kids learn more from what we do than what we say. People don’t change, I can’t over-emphasize this point. If you think there is room for improvement, talk it over now, if they want to be with you that much, they will work on those areas now. It is far better to be alone and unhappy than be with someone who makes you miserable; one is temporary and the other MAY be permanent.

Instead of being overly concerned about when you too will walk down the aisle or wear a wedding band or finally have fresh, home-cooked meals or freshly laundered clothes, prepare yourself for marriage.

How can a king want to marry you if there is nothing regal about you?

How can a focused, ambitious, hardworking and successful woman want to submit to you when you are a lazy bum?

How can you be the head if you cannot feed, house or clothe the entire body?

Make yourself marriageable or stay single.

Even more importantly, after you have made yourself an asset, don’t cast your pearls before swine. Don’t settle for less than the best. Take your time and get it right.

There is nothing better than a happy marriage

And there is no hell like an unhappy marriage.

Marry right or not at all.

 

 

Green, White, Green

There are certain periods in the year that all business people make a killing, I have heard many people call such periods ‘season’. It appears every business has a particular ‘season’ when goods and services are in high demand.

Hairdressers keep vigil in their shops in the days leading up to Christmas, churning out all manner of hairstyles, so also shops selling clothes, shoes, chickens and other such things that people erroneously believe are needed to celebrate.

Over the years, i have discovered another group making cool cash. Every year, towards the end of September, like 19^th of the month or thereabouts, you will begin to see small and big flags, beautiful tops, mufflers, bandanas and jeans all coloured green and white.

Every 1^st October, Nigeria marks her independence and for sure, it is an event worth celebrating.  The Social media is not usually left out; Dps, status updates and all what not proclaim our love for our dear country Nigeria. Similarly, all manner of shows and events are advertised in Churches, stadia and event halls, all geared towards marking Nigeria’s Independence. There is palpable excitement in the air and you can cut the national pride with even a blunt knife.

Sadly, it all ends on 2^nd October.

For some strange reason, we think patriotism ends with such displays.

Many citizens do not even know the words of the National Anthem and therefore singing it never evokes any ethos. We are always irritated and somewhat entertained when our ministerial nominees bungle it but sadly, we are not any better.

Patriotism is simply defined as; love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it.

Can we honestly say we embody this definition?

Patriotism is not wearing Green and white and waving flags upandan on.

It is doing the right thing at the right time and in the right way;

It is being orderly in public and being honest in office;

It is reporting all suspicious persons and activities in our neighbourhoods, instead of shielding suspects because they are ‘our brothers and sisters’.

It is refusing to bribe or be bribed to do what you should do;

It is supporting the Government of the day to succeed;

 It is calling our leaders out when they underperform instead of being a ‘wailer or hailer’ while things slide down hill.

We all have a conscience and patriotism is listening to that still small voice and choosing to do the right that we know we should even if we are hungry, in debt, frustrated or facing eviction or even death.

Until we get to that point, we might as well wear black tomorrow.

Happy 56^th birthday, Nigeria, may the odds be in your favour!

 

 

A HUSBAND LIKE ABRAHAM

 

This is not written for a Christian audience, it is for everyone.

It is however written from a Christian perspective, mainly because of the writer’s Christian background.

So much ado is made about mother Sarah who called her husband, Abraham ‘lord’.

Marriage counsellors teach it, many officiating ministers at weddings preach it and everyone who dispenses this advice always feels good after doing so.

Husbands, who are miffed that their wives are not Sarah-like enough, often quote this to buttress their points and many have successfully oppressed their wives and made outlandish demands and these poor women comply, because I mean, who doesn’t wanna make Heaven after all?

So I decided to find out exactly why Sarah called her husband LORD. I picked up a copy of the KJV of the Bible, after all, where best to look than the Text-book, right?

We first meet Abraham hanging somewhere below Terah on the family tree and not too long after, we discover Abram, as he was known then, had no child. Initially, we are not sure who to blame but eventually we are told it is Sarah’s problem and this is confirmed several chapters later, when an Egyptian handmaid gives Abraham a son.

Now imagine a typical Nigerian family with this issue of childlessness;

The mother in law and her daughters and possibly all else will give Sarah hell and even if Abraham tries to, he can’t insulate her from their venom. Sooner than later, he loses his patience and starts to try outside ( they do that even when they have kids but they are all girls).

Anyways, whichever way you look at it, no guy is gonna wait around till his wife is Ninety-nine years old to have a child, God’s promise or not, Right? It is only reasonable to do something nah.

But what did Abraham do?

He prayed and beseeched God daily, we have no records of him turning on Sarah or blaming her. How about when she finally decided he could have a go at Haggai? Better woman, right? Sarah had to practically pull down Abraham’s dross and turn referee before he capitulated.

Nine months later? Boom, Ishmael!

And just when all seemed well with the world, Sarah came again with her yeye jealousy and demanded Abraham should send Haggai and poor Ishmael away because Haggai had eyed her.

Haba, aunty Sarah!

Did Abraham give Sarah an ultimatum to ‘take it or leave it?’

No!!!!! The thing pain am wella but he rose at dawn and gave them some water and bread and sent them away. He never even sent a servant to check up on them, na wa oooo.

All we are told is …..”and Abraham hearkened to the voice of Sarai.

If na you nko, my sister, wont you add ‘Master’ join to the Lord?

Mgbo, Uncle, how many times do you hearken to the voice of madam that you want to be Lord???

Ok, how about when the three angels came a-calling?

Abraham ran into the tent and told Sarah; ‘oh girl, we have guests, oya put pot for fire’.

But he didn’t return to the strangers for chit-chat. He ran into the field, got a goat or so and gave a servant to kill and dress. It was also Abraham who brought the food and drinks and served their guests.

Sarah’s lord and master of all he surveyed, scrambling upandan to serve guests while Sarah reclined on her hammock in the tent.

What made Abraham his wife’s LORD?

I discovered he was;

PROVIDER

He was industrious; he had cattle, sheep, goats and servants, not a few.

He provided all Sarah needed and desired. She was a beauty to behold and everywhere they went, kings desired her.

Abraham was PRAYER-HEAD

He took all their cares and worries to God and held vigils over sacrifices. He prayed until something happened.

He was PROTECTOR

He fought and won battles and ensured every member of his household was safe from harm.

Abraham was PARTNER

He never left Sarah to do anything alone and never ever told her that he was called alone and blessed alone, or that he was doing her a favour by marrying her and tolerating her barrenness. He never told her she was created only for his pleasure and had to live her life pleasing him.

Ogbeni, are you a husband like Abraham?

 (C) TeejayDogoh

 

So I was at the bank to use the ATM machine and there was a pretty long queue.
 I jejely walked up to the last man on it, tapped him on the shoulder and politely asked:
'are you the last'?
He snapped at me; 'of course not. I am not the last, you are the last'.
I didn't think much of it. I thanked him and joined the queue, eventually did my thing and left.

Several weeks later, I was at the mall and got into the elevator.
There was a lady in it already and I smiled at her and politely asked; 'are you going down?'

Fireeeeee!!!!

She was visibly upset as she turned to me and said;

"GOD FORBID, I AM NOT GOING DOWN.
I can never go down,  instead my enemies will go down.
Any man that says I will go down, will go down for my sake because the Bible said.............................|"

She went on and on till I go out on the first floor. I was shaken and confused, I kept wondering how I might have upset her.

When I shared the story with a friend, i finally understood.
Apparently, as Christians, we must never utter negative words about ourselves and we must reject all negative words spoken about us.

Jesuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

That was when it dawned on me that waswhat the guy at the ATM queue meant by he was not the last.

Hmmmmmm, Nigeria, I dey hail oooo!!!!

I LOVE THIS

A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophilies is said to be held every year in an undisclosed location.

  A Lexophile  is said to be someone that has a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."

 Some winning entries:

.When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

. The batteries were given out free of charge.

. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

. A will is a dead giveaway.

. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

. When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

.Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

.The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.

Postscript: This is for those with a literal sense of humour. HAHA!!

Generational curses, Poor financial decisons or plain butt-lazy?

I was in church the other day and the Pastor preached on Breaking generational curses.
He said Africa was essentially backwards because mothers ignorantly cursed their children by saying stuff like: "you wont amount to much, are you sure you will succeed in life? If you sucked these my breasts, your children will cause you the same heartache that you are causing me|".

Pastor gave several examples of people who suffered all sorts of maladies and misfortunes because of such negative words spoken to them and stated that he was 'uncursable' because he had honored his parents and they had blessed him.

He went on to prescribe among other things; that you give your life to Christ, honor your parents; biological and spiritual and propagate the gospel to break such curses.
After that, we all said some curse-removing prayers and anointed our heads to remove such generational curses.

I am a bit worried though because I know several indolent young men and women who operate under this mentality that they are under a curse and can not succeed at anything they do. Consequently they don't do anything  but throw pity parties from place to place.

People make poor financial or marital choices or any number of bad decisions and claim someone somewhere is after them or stole their star. Only in Africa sha.

Some of the legends we read about today had a lot of negative stuff said about them; as school children, some were told they could never pass the grade or were not suited for learning but went on to become scientists, inventors, musical legends, and stars in their chosen fields.
Obviously because they persevered and never gave up.

Someone messes up at work and loses his job and says his landlord stole his luck.
Another uses uncouth behaviour to send suitors away and say its her stepmother that swore her mother's daughters will never marry. I hear you!!

Uncle; there is no curse, get off your lazy butt and work hard; be diligent, persevere and you will succeed.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, like Bob Marley said and take the World head on and see if the Red Sea wont part before you.
Even Adam had a job to do in Paradise, he wasn't meant to just lay-about.

Of a truth, very very few women want to be "head of the family".

Who cares about all that, anyway???

Women just want to be loved and treated right,...
To be respected and appreciated,
 To make an input and have it count.

Women do not want to be solely responsible for the kids' getting ready for school,
Doing homework, getting haircuts/ hair done,
Eating, bathing, sleeping, recreation,
 Spiritual or physical welfare,
Or any and everything to do with the kids.

Women don't want to hold down a 9-5
And still have to be solely responsible for the shopping and cooking and laundry and fuelling of cars, sweeping and cleaning
Or paying the bills and all the myriad of things that a family needs to run smoothly.

In fact, leaving your wife to handle all of that as well as co- win the bread is not
Heading a family,
It is witchcraft and sorcery.

Whatever traditional or religious injunction or role you assume you are playing,
Oga, you are a winch.

 Eeishhhhh!!!!!!

Heyyyyy!!!!!

Ok, I am here because I love love love to write and a few friends think I have stuff worth sharing with more than just my facebook friends.

Basically, I am gonna be sharing my thoughts on all kinds of stuff, not expert advice or the result of some research, just stuff that I believe can make life and living somewhat easier in certain situations.

I hope we can share loads of laughs and learn lifelong lessons from each other,

I may come across as controversial sometimes
but its all from a good place


 Enjoy my little corner of the world,
sending light and love your way.



Teejay.

Dear God

Dear God

I don’t want to go to Heaven, Not just yet, anyway.

I want to come back as a Nigerian male.

I want to grow up playing football on the streets

While my sisters are taught how to cook, clean and please a husband.

 

I will be circumcised, yes but not to curb promiscuity,

No nah, that’s for the poor girl-child;

She has to remain pure and undefiled for me when i am ready to partake of her pleasures.

I on the other hand, will be busy sowing my wild oats.

Not for me the fear of getting pregnant,

Not for me, the curse of repeat heartbreaks.

 

I don’t want to go to Heaven,

I want to become the head of my family and rule over it like the don that i am.

I expect my wife to be co- breadwinner but certainly not co-head.

We will both work 9-5 but she will still have to make my supper as well as tend the kids as they come and do all the chores.

Remember i am the head of the family and you commanded her to be submissive

And as one of your spokesmen recently pointed out, she was created purely as an afterthought and to pleasure me.

Remember also, i was too busy learning how to be a man, to bother with housework.

Meanwhile, if all i have to offer is lousy sex, she has to grin and bear it.

However, if she does not please me, i will marry another wife and another if need be.

But If i deign to be monogamous, She has to be eternally grateful

And do all she can to make me happy.

I prefer life as a Nigerian husband than Heaven because if i cheat, my wife will be blamed and told to dress sexier, cook better, be humble, pray for me or watch WAR ROOM. What a sweet life!!!!

I can’t wait to put my feet up and issue commands like the general i will be;

‘Why is the Rice too salty, didn’t your mother teach you to cook?

What have you been doing all day? You only know how to make demands for money?

You spend all your time watching TV, because you don see flat-screen, abi? Did you father ever own a black and white?

My friend, go and get my dinner. You want a washing-machine. You are not well. Did you ever use a washing machine in your father’s house???? Let those clothes not be washed and ironed before i come back and you will see....

Need i say more? God, you know the drill nah.

 

So whatever you do, remember to make me a man in my next life

After that, we can talk about Heaven.

 After all, the average Nigerian guy is already in Heaven.

(c) Teejay Dogoh

 

 

 

 

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