BROTHER EMEKA

I walked in late from work and met the Pastor and his wife, my dad and my parents in law in the sitting room looking grim. My heart skipped a beat and in a split second, my entire life flashed before me. I was scared something had happened to the kids or my husband. I would have passed out but at that very moment, I heard my husband's laugh in the kitchen.
So I greeted everyone and made a beeline for the kitchen where I met Emeka and my bestie; Chioma arranging drinks and glasses in trays.

I wondered if it was someone's birthday and I had forgotten. I mouthed; “what’s up, sis?" at Chy and she shrugged. I said hi to Emeka and noticed he was a bit distant and cold. I shrugged my shoulders too, took the tray from him and we all walked into the sitting room.
As soon as everyone settled down, Pastor Akin cleared his throat and started;
Sister Betty, I am sure you are wondering what is going on and I don't want to waste too much time. I will now ask my wife to pray for us before we begin.
"In Jesus' name"; Deaconess Ife started and everyone chorused 'Amen'. As she prayed, I began to get a sense of what was to come. It was pretty much obvious that Emeka had reported me to everyone present and it seemed to have something to do with my so-called wifely duties of sex and cooking.

I just shook my head and waited for the end of the prayer which came soon enough. Pastor Akin turned to me and said; "Sister Betty; brother Emeka came to see me and it appears we need to have a talk urgently. Everyone will get a chance to talk so please just listen to me now, and then we will all listen to everyone. By God's grace and the help of the Holy Ghost, we will resolve this matter amicably". I want to remind us that the Bible says the woman's desire shall be for her husband. The Bible also commands wives to be submissive to their husbands. Sister Betty, I understand you have stopped being submissive and you rarely cook for your husband. Even worse, you now deny him sex at will. He says you talk back at him and don't respect him. Sister, in the beginning, it was not so and it ought not to be so".
In the corner of my eye, I could see my mother in law tapping her foot and shooting daggers from her eyes at me. These people are not serious, I thought to myself. So Emeka and his mother want an open fight abi? Ok, I am ready too. Hahaha, poor dude, the person that advised you to toe this line, does not love you at all and you under- estimated me.
Anyways, make I dey prepare my defence.

"Yes", my mother in law interjected. "My son has suffered. He has been suffering silently for the past three years and I can no longer take it. A wife's duty is to cook for her husband, to wash his clothes and keep his home tidy. My son is losing weight and he is never happy. Something must be done and it must be now. If she is not ready to be a wife, she should say so. Let her go and let my son marry a real wife”
And she started to cry. Emeka glared at me and turned and hugged her, begging her to take it easy. Chioma and the Pastor's wife all clustered around her, pleading with her to stop crying, exactly what she was gunning for.
That woman has always been a drama queen and loved being on stage.

Emeka turned to Pastor Akin and said; ‘Sir, it is true, I have had it. If Betty cannot be humble and submissive like all good, Christian wives, I may be forced to seek a divorce. Do you know if I touch my wife, she cringes? I can’t take this anymore’. ‘God forbid’, Pastor shouted and broke into tongues. God hates divorce and it shall not be your portion, brother Emeka.’

My dad had yet to say a word but I could see he was not happy.

It went on and on, with the pastor and his wife taking turns to preach at me and enumerate "brother Emeka's virtues and rights as my husband and head". I was no longer listening but no one knew this. In fact, I might have drifted off because I suddenly came to and found everyone looking at me questioningly.
"What? Sorry, I didn't hear that"; I spluttered.

Pastor: “Sister Betty, I asked what you have to say for yourself".
Before I could talk, my husband jumped up and began to pace,
"What will she have to say? She considers herself superior to me because she has a master’s degree and works in a bank. She condemns every single thing I do and constantly belittles me. She does not respect or support me. Even a thief deserves his wife's respect. But my wife does not respect me. I have endured her disdain for years and I really can't take it anymore. A woman that cannot be satisfied by what her husband can provide. Which wife feels too big to cook and serve her husband? I have to make do with whatever rubbish the house help concocts and when I complain, she asks me if there is any law against men cooking".

At this point, everyone was begging him to calm down while Mama was calling on God to come and see oooo.

My head was still bent and only my bestie knew I was fuming. She had already sent me a message on whatsapp asking me to be calm. I replied "today Na today" and she messaged
' babes, please, no fireworks".

Pastor's wife turned to me and said;' Sister Betty, you need to retrace your steps, it’s like you have backslidden. I will be praying for you. Don't let the devil destroy your home. A wise woman builds her home but the foolish one tears it with her own hands".

My dad turned to Emeka and said; " my son, this is not the way to handle these matters. You could have come to me. I gave her to you and if she has been misbehaving, you should have come to me. This meeting is not necessary".

Mama quickly cut in; 'yes, I knew you would support her". "No, my in law, dad said, I am not supporting her. I am only saying an Inquisition is taking it too far. Every marriage has challenges. Did we not have challenges in our own marriages in our own time? Didn't we overcome them’? My father in law who had all along been quiet now spoke up; "Mama Emeka, cool down. Are you trying to say, Emeka won't have any fault in this matter? After seven years of marriage, Betty will suddenly change? Something must have caused it. Let us keep our emotions in check."

Mama turned to her husband and said; "it is true but nobody is perfect. Betty acts like she is perfect while she is not. Remember I visit them much more than you do. Sometimes I will have to cook for our son because she hasn't come home from work and sometimes even if she is home, she will say she is too tired. It is Grace that cooks for Betty's husband. Betty doesn't cook on Sunday at all, that she has to rest. Betty doesn't wash her husband's clothes. If I were like that, would we still be together?"

"Anyway, may I speak now"; I asked.

Everyone immediately fell silent, not before mama's long hiss filled the room.
"Yes, Sister Betty, you may speak."

"Thank you all for coming. It is obvious that you love my family and you want the best for us. I appreciate you all. I am not surprised Emeka felt he had no choice but to go this route but why the ambush? I wouldn't have run away even if I knew you were all going to be here today. Anyway, it is true. Everything mama and my husband have accused me of is true. I no longer cook if I come home too tired or too late. It is also true that I have stopped cooking on Sundays. Bank work is tedious and I work even on Saturdays. I need Sunday to rest and prepare for the week ahead. It is true that my husband and I no longer have regular sex and it is because I don't want. For the first four years of this marriage, I did all of that and more. I remember when I was best wife and best daughter in law. Sadly, it didn't make me happiest wife."

"Pastor, brother Emeka has told you my wrongs but did he remember to mention the time he was sleeping with our family doctor or the Youth corps member in his office? Did he tell you when he brought an STD home? Did he mention that after all these years; he still forgets to flush the toilet? He forgets his plates in the bedroom, his mug where ever he drinks tea, his clothes all over the place. He forgets to pay the children's fees until they are sent away from school and I have to go and pay. Did he mention the times he travelled with different girls and forgot to drop any money in the house for his children?"

"Brother Emeka does not remember to buy toiletries or anything else we need at home. Brother Emeka only recently started giving me money for running the house and it is ten thousand naira every month but Brother Emeka bought a car for Sister Philo in the choir."
l paused and looked around, brother Emeka’s head was down and was no longer sitting so close to him, in fact she seemed to have moved as far away from him as possible. Deaconess Ife was no longer glaring at me self righteously. She was searching for God knows what in her Bible.

I continue; "Brother Emeka will not buy food but immediately he is served, he will start; ' this salt is too much, the eba is too hard or too soft. Beans require small salt; don’t you know vegetables are not cooked for long? The soup is too watery, why do I have only two pieces of meat?" And the day he actually brings that his monthly ten thousand naira, he will increase the complaints.

"Mama, do you know in seven years of marriage, my husband has probably bought clothes for me three times at the most? Do you know he does not buy clothes or shoes for the twins? Do you know we pay the fees and rent together? Do you know that except the few times I asked, he hasn't on his own ever bought recharge card for me or anything else? "Do you know that when I come home from work, I will still help the twins with their home work while their dad who got home before me will be barking orders up and down? When I got home from hospital after having the twins, before you came for omugwo, do you know your son insisted I make a fresh pot of soup and eba for him? Do you know I did it"?

"There is nothing I haven't seen or done or endured in the past seven years. Before I got the job at the bank, I have gone to bed hungry several nights because my husband said he didn't have money to give me for food and yet, while washing his clothes the next day, I would find money in a trouser pocket, sometimes as much as eighteen thousand naira".

I turned to my father;" daddy, did I ever tell you what Emeka said when I asked him for money for mama's surgery? No, I didn’t. Well he said his money was not for me and my mother. Mama didn’t have the surgery and shortly after, she died. I bore all manner of ill- treatment from my husband which nobody in this room apart from Chioma ever knew about. The only thing he has never done is hit me. But the emotional scars are even deeper. I took it all until one day when I decided not to. So yes, now I live for myself and my twins. I do things only when I want to. I still buy most of the food and bear most of the expenses because he says he has projects here and there and also says I should be grateful he even allows me to work. When I ask him for money, he asks me whose money my money is. So Yes mama, I have considered walking out of this marriage more times than I would care to mention. I couldn't afford to before but now I can. But guess what?  I am going nowhere. Karma is a bitch and she is here to stay. It is my turn to make your precious Emeka suffer".

I stopped, looked around the room at all their stunned faces and then I got up and walked into my room.