When will you marry?

 

‘When will you marry: this year or next year?

Some time or never?

I am sure we all remember this song from our childhood, especially us girls.  We sang this and many other songs as we played during breaks in school and weekends at home after our chores. We sang it without any real thought to the words, after all what did we know of marriage and timing?

Decades later, girls are often asked this same question; ‘when will you marry?’ Doubtless this is often accompanied by reminders that your mates and younger ones are already married, multiplying and filling the Earth.

However, shouldn’t the most important question be who will you marry?

When I was a child, I thought as a child and in my childish thinking, I assumed tall, dark and handsome mattered most. I assumed money made for a happy marriage. I promised myself I was not going to marry ‘ugly’ because I wanted cute kids.

Well, I’m all grown up now and I found out that no one needs rich, tall, dark and handsome to have a good and happy life, especially if this also means ugly, mean, lazy and churlish. Now, I know there is stuff that is way more important than a fine face and bulging pockets.

Young People come to me for advice on marriage and I always say to them; marry only those characteristics you want to see in your children. Furthermore, anything you can’t stand now will be amplified after years of living together and no, sweet sister, you can’t change a man. Neither can a woman be made more pliant or submissive.

Marry what you see not what you hope to see, do it for your children, if not for yourself, as kids learn more from what we do than what we say. People don’t change, I can’t over-emphasize this point. If you think there is room for improvement, talk it over now, if they want to be with you that much, they will work on those areas now. It is far better to be alone and unhappy than be with someone who makes you miserable; one is temporary and the other MAY be permanent.

Instead of being overly concerned about when you too will walk down the aisle or wear a wedding band or finally have fresh, home-cooked meals or freshly laundered clothes, prepare yourself for marriage.

How can a king want to marry you if there is nothing regal about you?

How can a focused, ambitious, hardworking and successful woman want to submit to you when you are a lazy bum?

How can you be the head if you cannot feed, house or clothe the entire body?

Make yourself marriageable or stay single.

Even more importantly, after you have made yourself an asset, don’t cast your pearls before swine. Don’t settle for less than the best. Take your time and get it right.

There is nothing better than a happy marriage

And there is no hell like an unhappy marriage.

Marry right or not at all.